holiday blues

warning: bitching blog

well, not really blues as in blues. it's supposed to be the middle of my mid semester break. but here i am in school again. it doesn't feel like a break at all lor. nus really cheat people of their holidays. and they wonder why the graduates don't donate money back to their 'alma mater'. one week mid sem break which we 辛辛苦苦 gotten from the school higher ups. imagine, last time, the supposed one week break was in reality 4 days long cos sunday is included in the week. *rolls eyes* anyway, now, they cheat us even more. the break was from last saturday till this coming sunday. saturday was CNY eve. sunday, monday, tuesday are CNY public holidays. *闯墙* so in the end, we only have in reality, half a week of holiday. AND immediately after the so-called holiday, mid term exams start. grr... let me say again: and they still wonder why graduates don't give money back to nus. i heard that ntu's mid term break is NEXT week. meaning, they get the proper CNY public holidays, THEN the official school break. how lucky is that?! sigh. haven't done any work so far this hols. and i think the rest of today is kinda going to be a wasted time.

tried to do EL3216 readings yesterday. I SPENT 2 BLOODY HOURS ON A SINGLE READING!!!!! i really did. and i wasn't like fooling around or what. i was really reading. it was like, i read and read and read and it doesn't seem to end. and then i look at the clock and it's like, what da hell?! where did the time go??! you know how depressing that is? it didn't help that all the other 3216 readings are just as thick. so, didn't accomplish anything yesterday beyond that one reading. this is unfortunately the module that i lag the most. in readings and practice. unfortunately also, this is the module with the heaviest workload. sad to say, the only module which i am more or less up to date with is nm2216, which is an 'extra' module. die lah! and i still don't find the motivation to study or do anything. i got the strong urge to hibernate right now. life is totally spinning out of control. i should go talk to ELIZA. haha!

next week is gonna be busy. monday music ministry meeting. tuesday, nm2216 mid term project presentation. wednesday el3254 mid term test. thursday el3201 test. sunday varsity voices concert. i wish i have a universal remote control to let me fast forward to the monday next. let me say again how much i hate this school.

church was weird last night also. tian didn't appear till 10minutes before mass was going to start, at which time i was panicking that i was gonna have to replace her. (i hadn't practiced the songs and they were difficult songs to me) anyway, she came, thank god. so that was the first weird glitch. after that. for the record, let me say this: the missal clearly stated, the penitential rite and gloria are omitted. despite this, fk started saying the 'i confess'. so me decided i better prepare the kyrie just in case. lucky i did, cos after his 'i confess', he gave me this look, so had to start playing it. dammit. at least, he didn't do the gloria. i tell you, of all the mass parts, the one i hate playing most is gloria. whoever invented such a long twisted and convulated *&%$#. no words to describe it. so that was glitch 2. and then! andrea's psalm. the organ began acting up. it was already sounding weird in the first place, now it was absolutely impossible to control. the sound was so erratic. as in, the sound, sometimes got, sometimes don't have. the loud-soft was not controllable. so i think i screwed up her psalm cos the organ sound wasn't good. glitch 3.

then, the imposition of ashes. we were going to sing "ashes", of which the animator obviously didn't know we were going to sing. note to self: remind andrew and andrea that the animators need to be spoonfed. so ok, glitch 4 was our fault cos the animator didn't know to announce the song. THEN!!!! screwiest of the screwy night. after the imposition, supposed to be the creed and the intercessions then the offertory. SOMEBODY decided to do the offertory collection first and told the wardens to come and start the collection before the intercessions. so left poor choir in a lurch...to sing the offertory song, or not to sing? is this supposed to be the offertory anyway? glitch 5. so we sat in confused silence. after the wardens finished their collection, THEN he decides to do the intercessions. and then, he starts the offertory rites. *wantstoslaphimhard* so we just did one offertory song. rest of the mass was more or less ok. apart from the screwy organ which makes me almost unable to hear the congregation at all, except during the 'our father'. it's like, i can hear bits and pieces here and there, but the rest, i have to imagine and fill in the gap myself.

and to complain about the behaviour of the animators again. why is it that the higher they are in seniority, the blurrer they are? for instance, this one during the ash wed mass. AND, omg, i'm still so angry about this one. last sunday. after communion he went up and announced the thanksgiving song. i can see there's wardens getting ready for second collection at the back, so i don't start the choir yet, cos usually they'll announce that there's a second collection for whatever. BUT this guy didn't say anything. so i assume, ok, you don't want to say anything about the collection, fine. so choir starts singing. halfway through the song, fr paul signals timeout, choir stop singing. so we stutter to a halt. and wait while fr makes the announcement about the second collection. then when he's done then we continue the song from the halfway point. fucking cheebye lah! you know how much it looked like this was screw up was choir's fault??! for the record, the announcements are supposed to be done by the animator. AND choir gave the animator time to announce whatever he likes to announce. BUT HE DIDN"T ANNOUNCE. AND!!!! it's not as if he's a newcomer to the church. he is/was the head of the church PPC!

why don't he be more professional? this is such amateurish behaviour lah. if you're not sure of sequence, ask someone for help. other animators are not ashamed to ask for guidance when they need it. all this reflects so badly upon the church lor. (see, just blogging about it now makes me really mad) it's frustrating. and they also wonder why the youths are all leaving the church. i'm so tempted to leave also lah. what's the point in staying? it's really banging my head against a brick wall. i mean, i don't understand it. can't they see that it's obviously so...so...creating such a bad impression? sigh. like that proverb says: grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference.

and then, problems with cfa. i'm tired to tell the whole story here. but the gist of it is that we apparently didn't return the studio entrance key since last thursday. so cfa was nagging us. so hunting up and down, doing detective work about who last had the key and all that shit. finally we found the key. it was with a certain committee member who, god knows why the key's in his hands in the first place, forgot to return it and happily carried it around till now. please lah! you're not kids. i shouldn't need to nag. sick of it already lah. thank god, the year for choir is ending soon. can step down soon. this one year doing logistics and the church choir has convinced me of one thing: i am not a leader and should never even try to take up leadership positions. it'll only end badly.

sigh.

let's talk about more happy stuff ya? i borrowed the book "the prestige" from the library. yup, the one that the movie is based on. btw, i also bought the movie. :D cos the bro wanted to buy his transformers vcds, i saw this one and convinced mum to let me buy it. bought the 'phantom of the opera' vcd also. haha! anyway, back to the book. I LOVE IT! finished it in 2 days. rather, that was the one i brought to malaysia (if you could read my chinese blogging). i didn't really understand it the first time, but the second time reading made a lot of things so much clearer. cos this is one of those books where, the fates of so many people are intertwined and it's like, a series of flashbacks intercut with the present. so for eg, the front part of the book reads like the guy is schizophrenic. but, by the end of the book, i understand why he writes like that, and reading it again, i finally understand what he was trying to do. (hard to be more explicit without giving away the plot) anyway, i think the book is different from the movie. haven't watched the movie yet, but the book itself...the secret of the illusion in the end is jaw-droppingly wow! but the ending is a little...hanging. one of those unresolved mysteries. love it. go read! i give it 4 out of 5 stars. good book!

been watching american idol. there's 2 asian people this time. sanjaya malakar and paul kim. sadly, neither are much good though. i predict that sanjaya is not going to survive this round. his performance last night was a complete mess. everyone else was alright. it was like, the byword for the night was 'showmanship'. so showy last night was. not very spectacular performances though. the only person that i can picture in the top 5 at least is chris sligh. the fat guy with afro hair. everyone else was just average. the girls performances tonight. gonna be fun. :D

ok, i'm through bitching for now. haha!




mood: tired
listening to: dancing in the street - sister act 2

blogging in chinese

discovered THIS chinese inputting software online. so, blogging in chinese today! :D sorry to those who don't read chinese. :p the next time i blog will be in english. *promise*

今天是年初一。没做什么大事。在家懒着。哈哈！找到这东西能写华文字，瞒好玩的。好旧没在电脑里打字了。有点难，因为不请楚要写些什么。好旧没写什么华文事了。我想，以近要两年多没读华文了，现在还能这样 blog 很不错。

anyway，早上早早起来上教堂。好想不去，在家里多睡一下。昨晚回谷来好累。可是妈妈不让就是不让。真不懂为什么硬硬要上教堂。改次去会死meh？也不是说不去。只是去迟一点的。不让就是不让。

昨天早起等 uncle wah 来载我们上去。等了一整天，他三，四点那样才到达新加坡。还好 woodlands 没太久塞车。customs 很慢。大该是因为最近那问提，新加坡人上去新山没chop passport。现在就比较小心了。不然被arrest就残了。不用回家吃团元反了。我们没问题过customs。进马来西呀，跟一年前风竟什么也没变。uncle wah 说在马来西呀驾车其实是不比怕迷路。驾了一次就会认路了。

进谷来下雨。 唉呀！ 只怕有沿水。 还好我们到婆婆家时雨已经停了。那时大该是六点多了。要等 uncle kim lu 和 syn－syn 到。听说他们的飞机有delay。坐在婆婆家看点电视。

晚上去 uncle wah 的家。太久没去了。uncle wah 接我和弟弟时，drop off 时，我们认不出他家是哪间。可是总之，看到婶婶就跑去哪间。：） 大家到起时，小孩一桌， 大人一桌。好笑啊！我和表弟二十岁最老的还跟着十岁表弟妹们一起。of course，凯权，凯年 拿了饭就跑掉， 不懂去了哪里。哎呀， 让他们lor。我随便，陪他们在小孩桌。能吃就行了啦。叫弟弟peel prawn。 我们全吃饱了， 他只 peel 好两条 prawn。 真是的。今年应该教他怎么 peel。it＇s a useful skill。以后如果要带女朋友吃海鲜怎么办？ 哈哈！

吃饱了，长辈看电视，小的在房间里＂赌博＂。不懂在玩什么。我呢，anti－social 的坐在一边看书。in my defence， 它是本很 interesting 的书。放不下的那种。

要到十二点了。出去外面看到邻居在树上挂炮。那种很traditional的炮。 等到初一exact 就点炮了！哇！ 好大声啊！真想人在打枪一样的声音。还好。等到那个完了，他们就从屋里拉去一大箱子，点火。。。啊！这是 familiar 的火炮。每次 national day 看到的那些。从来没那么进看炮。有点吓人。那些炮简直是在头上 explode 的。好可怕哦。邻居一盒放完了，又拉出多一箱！总共有四箱火炮。整街一片烟。好smokey。改天我会放 video 在 youtube。是的，我那么没时做，film 了那东西。可是，这总类的事，在新加坡是看不到的。好幸运能在＂家乡＂看到。what an experience！

uncle wah 又送我们回新加坡。不懂好像他要去 chinatown 走走拜拜。没什么 interesting 东西发生。我在车上睡着了。每天在１５１睡，我已经哪里可以睡了。哈哈！新加坡 customs 有点慢。其怪。早晨一点半怎么还会那么慢呢？anyway，回到家了！好爽。可以好好睡了。大该两点半那样到家。冲凉，吃点夜宵。三点睡！真的好累。

ok，辛苦打出了这个 blog。新加坡表弟刚刚来我家过夜。该去呼他了。bye！

endless night

take a look and listen to this song. it's called "endless night" from the Lion King musical. the lyrics are already so meaningful. i just found this video on youtube and reading the comments, i found out that the singer, jason raize, had commited suicide in 2004. and, it's ironic, he sang such a powerful song of hope, of redemption and salvation after a darkness, and yet, it seems that he could not fight against his own feelings. i don't know why he killed himself, but somehow, it seems like the dawn never came for him.


Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?

Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Father, I feel so alone

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day

When you were by my side
Guiding my path
Father, I can't find the way

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise

I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine
(Repeat to end)

I know
Yes, I know
The sun will rise
Yes, I know
I know
The clouds must clear

I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside

I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
The sun
The sun will rise
The sun
The sun will rise

cynicism

i've been blogsurfing. (data collection for EL3216, not just blind surfing). and part of the collection is to find undergrad blogs from NUS. now, reading other people's blogs about nus, i can't help but wonder, why do they like NUS so much??!?!!? quite a few foreigner blogs talking about NUS and wanting to come here etc etc. WHY??!?!??!

i've been in nus for the past 2 years. t-o-r-t-u-r-e. is it because i don't live on campus? why is it that i just can't bring myself to like the school the way i like all my other schools? everyone says, hey, you're in nus? so cool! you so lucky. and i'm like, yeah right. let me transfer elsewhere and i'll do it.

what's all the hype? i don't understand.




mood: cynical, confused.
listening to: i swear - all 4 one

nothing much

not much's been going on. so just blogging for the sake of blogging. haha!

joseph's and howard's birthday the other day. imagine. 2 'significant' guys in my life and they share the same birthday. how interesting is that?! had lunch with joseph at gecko. *sweet* :D

mid term is fast approaching. SO FAST!!!!!! lagging in my readings, lagging in my project. feels especially guilty for NM2216. our project for that one keeps getting such poor response. it's the lecturer lah. she's letting her personal feelings get in the way of being impartial and seeing what a nice invention our dream machine is.

got no motivation whatsoever to study. it's sad. i feel lagging so badly that i don't even know when my mid terms are. it's only a matter of time when i go into a lecture and discover that i'm supposed to be having a midterm exam. damn.

going to sing in a small ensemble for VV. D-I-E. have to quickly go learn and memorise the songs before adyll blows his top again.

and VV is coming and i still feel lagging in my stuff to do for logistics. i seriously don't know what i'm supposed to be handling and what is on the level of iris. *bangheadonwall*

was reading some other people's blogs. and i realise that st stephen really SUCKS. not that i didn't realise it earlier. i just only really really realised it. why fr khoo doesn't realise it is a mystery to me. why doesn't he stop to contemplate why his formerly large and strong youth group has now dwindled to numbers that you can count off on 2 hands? if it wasn't for the parents, i wouldn't go there anymore.

tried to try out Ubuntu yesterday. but of course, it didn't work. booted with the cd and stared at the screen for 2 hours and nothing happened. don't know if it hanged or what.

life sucks.

to end off on a happier note...let me publicise my fanfiction that i wrote. :D proud of that one, even though it's a sad story.




mood: blah
listening to: nothing.

look at this:

is that cool or what?!

this is cool

i looked up "El Espinazo del Diablo" - The Devil's Backbone, on imdb. this quote from it is really cool:


What is a ghost?
A tragedy condemned to repeat itself time and again?
An instant of pain, perhaps.
Something dead which still seems to be alive.
An emotion suspended in time.
Like a blurred photograph.
Like an insect trapped in amber.


quite true don't you think?

see what a time waster i am

i made my first ever animated avatar. (blogger enlarged it so it's a bit blur)
haha!




mood: time wasting
listening to: neighbour yelling

complain complain complain

i'm back. not much to talk about i think. just a regular school week. lots of walking up and down and up and down FASS. do you know how HUGE the bloody school is??! for eg, on tuesday (i think it was tuesday) after lecture, i was walking around to find a place to sit to eat. from LT14, to the forum, to AS1. still no seats. then walk all the way over to LT13 area. still no seats. then walk all the way back to forum. finally found a seat. then sumi called to say they're at eusoff hall. so walk all the way back over there. *sigh* AND THEN. thursday. i take 151 to school. walk over to AS4 for class. after class, walk to megabites to buy lunch. then went to the forum. about to start eating then i realise...i forgot to take utensils. *fallover* so...walk back to megabites to grab utensils *embarrassed* no wonder those dumb cashiers were looking at me so weirdly when i paid for my food. they might have TOLD me that i forgot to take utensils. anyway. sat at LT11 to eat. then, went back to forum for nm2216 meeting which i found out that they had found a table over at LT14. so went there. after that, rushed back over to AS5 for class. and then after class, dashed over to CFA for choir. muahahahaha! my dream machine - a teleporter. :D

been very distracted regarding schoolwork. the only thing that i am up to date with is NM2216. i wonder why. all the other readings are badly lagging, especially EL2102. EL3201 is also just as bad. she goes at a chapter per lecture and her chapters are ginormous. lucky the other 2 modules don't have set textbooks. just handout readings. up to date with my El3216 data collection. yay! but i got the feeling my data is a little skewed. the sample that i took it from is not that large. i've got my 25k words of data but...don't know lah. i'll think about it.

jonathan's birthday yesterday. they called us over at 10.30pm to go cut cake. he had a nice cake. swensen's cookie and cream ice cream cake. :D at 10.30 at night, ice cream is nice!! the frozen peach on top was damn cold lah. but shiok. haha! haven't eaten ice cream cake in ages. found one of those wooden figurines at their house. found out what it's called. gestalt human model. i wanna buy two for myself to 'play' with. it cost $18 each at ikea.


although aunty jaynus said that i could take over the one at their house, i don't much fancy that, cos it's missing an arm and a leg is falling out of its socket (courtesy of my boisterous destructive cousins). but had fun with it yesterday when i was there. so i wanna get some of my own.

more complaints...i'm trying to get my bluetooth on my comp to work. i mean, it's working but...like now, i want to move photos from my phone into the comp. but i can't see the photos here, not the pictures from the 'photos' folder. i can see the photos from the 'download' folder though. so actually it IS working...so...aiya. don't know lah. i resisted installing the samsung PIM software cos i thought the bluetooth would work this time. (it worked when i had to send stuff over to theo the last time. but...it just hates my phone. damn. looks like i'll have to intall the PIM suite afterall.

an interesting clay update. he's put up this thing in his blog, kind of a challenge to his claymates...he wants us to cook up a juicy scandal involving him. he's saying how the tabloids are trying to create scandalous stuff about him to throw on the front pages, "Yet, for all of their efforts to be on the "cutting edge" and the forefront of bull$#@& journalism, it seems that some of them may be running out of ideas and resorting to recycling and re-hashing some of their older tall tales. How sad!? With this in mind, we thought maybe we would try to give them a finger.... er.. a hand." i think he's completely lost it liao. he's actually ASKING people to create a scandal about him??! btw, clay's idea of scandal seems kind of skewed. his suggestions were: "me being "abducted by oversized turnips"... or ... "video" of me "dancing with a three legged gorilla"." how WONDERFULLY scandalous clay. *rolls eyes* unfortunately, the scandal that i think would be the most convincing and scandalous would be those already out there. about the gay rumours. or maybe about him having a hot one night stand with britney spears and/or having a illegitimate child. and to think he's actually ASKING people to think up stuff like that. crazy.

but then, it's been quite interesting publicity. THIS SITE actually talks about it, saying he's found a clever way of showing the tabloids that he doesn't care about what they do to him on the front page. so...what do you think? *shrugs*

V day is coming. changed my blogskin. not because of the occasion lah. it's cos i was a little bored with the old one. haha! but this one is pretty too. anyway...back to the topic. V day is coming. whoopie (in a simon cowell tone). probably going to spend it rushing out project proposal. apparently there's one due on that day. and data collection due on the next day. :p i actually wonder where did V day come from? why celebrate it? is it just a day invented by loving couples all around the world to the chagrin of lonely singles like me? see how cynical i am. there's stuff happening round school. about selling flowers and brownies and such like that. oh well. maybe i'll buy one for myself. hidden cynicism. i don't know what this paragraph is about. just rambling on and on and on.




mood: cold (bloody wind blowing like it's the end of the world)
listening to: i will be here - clay aiken